Sarah Jane Keyser : ADHD Coach

Joey ambled toward the water hole. A stranger was drinking. From the
rear, as Joey approached,, it looked like a bright bay horse. Joey had
seen horses before, but he had never had close contact with them. They
were usually with people, and Joey and the other zebras kept well away
from them.

Today, Joey gave what he thought was a friendly snort of greeting. The
animal swung around abruptly and charged Joey with his mouth open. Joey

leapt back but he didn't' run, this was no lion.

"Hey! What's your problem? I just wanted to say Hello"

"You're too close," and the horse took another step toward Joey with
his teeth bared.

"Okay, okay. But you're new around here. You should know that this
water hole is neutral ground for everybody. If you behave like that,
you'll be in big trouble. Why don't you just say politely not to crowd
you?"

"Politely, politely. Nobody's polite to me. Biting is the only way I
can make others understand"

"Could you use your ears? All us zebras talk with our ears, and other
horses I've met seem to understand- not that I've had much to do with
them. Why do you let your ears flop down like that? They're weird!"

"What's the matter with my ears?" The mustang again threatened Joey
with his teeth.

"Just look, there in the water. That's you. See how your ears hang
down. That's me. Look at my ears. I point them forward to say "Look,
there's something interesting there."  I say " I don't like that"  by
flattening my ears back on my neck. Or I can swivel my ears this way
and that to say that I'm worried but I'm  not sure what's wrong."

The horse stared at the image reflected in the still water and then
looked at Joey. "Well, my ears don't work like that. I can't move them
like you do."

"Sure you can, just try."

With that the mustang charged Joey again with teeth wide open to bite.
"No I can't!  Anyway, you're no prime specimen, yourself. How can you
be a zebra; you haven't got stripes!"

Joey laughed, "You're right, and having no stripes causes problems for
me too. But I can see you have a really big problem if your ears don't
work right.

If you're going to be here for awhile, I'll show you
around. My name is Joey. What's yours?"

"They call me Eeyore."

Ear Talk and Body Talk

Eeyore really exists. I read about him in an article by Lee Faren in the February 2006 issue of Equus, www.Equusmagazine.com .

Born wild in central Oregon, he was noticeable as a young colt because of the way his ears hung down earning him the name Eeyore after the floppy-eared donkey in Winnie the Pooh. His early contacts with humans were peaceable. He showed none of the fear typical of wild animals, but he developed a habit of attacking domestic horses out on the trail. After he stampeded a group of cows through the camp site of some trekkers, he was captured to prevent serious accidents and adopted.

He settled into a domestic life as a saddle horse with amazing ease and is now helping in therapy classes for families of children with special needs. His story captivates kids who have problems and his patient and tolerant nature (toward people) helps kids to feel positive about themselves.

When I read the story about Eeyore- I went "Wow" what a metaphor for ADHD. A horse that doesn't understand horse talk. Isn't that just what happens with many people with ADHD, though not all.

I tried to imagine what had happened as Eeyore was growing up. I supposed that because he didn't "talk proper" with his ears, other horses were more aggressive with him. He might have just drifted down to be low horse in the herd (more like his namesake in Winnie the Pooh who complains of being ignored and unloved), instead because he was a tough little cookie he retaliated in kind.

With people, his dysfunctional ears didn't matter. He was able to respond to a different communication system. From people he found the affection and bonding that a horse normally finds from other horses. His adoptive Mom, a woman with experience with wild horses, says that she too had difficulty anticipating Eeyore's moods because she was used to "reading" horses ear talk, but she learned to see other signs on Eeyore.

Human beings have a vast vocabulary of words with which to communicate. But did you know that over 70% of a message is conveyed in body talk? And over 20% in the tone of voice? Less than 10% is in the actual words. Kids and adults with ADHD who have difficulty paying attention miss the subtle clues given in body language and voice tone, and because they don't learn them they don't use them.

Do you see the signs your listeners are sending you to say they have heard enough? Do you know what signs you are sending when you are insisting on your point of view? If a partner were to video you, what would you see? Would you say like one man I know, "I never want to behave like that again."

The best message you can send to anyone is a big warm smile.

Zebra Tips : Have a great laugh today.

Once, a mother lion observed one of her cubs chasing a hunter in circles around a tree. The mother lion exclaimed, 'How many times do I have to tell you not to play with your dinner?'

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